I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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