i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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