Me. At least after what I've been through.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Who did Billy Mays play for?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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