His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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