I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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