My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
