Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
