Have you finally orgasmed yet?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
