i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
