What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
