Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
