Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
