remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
