I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
