so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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