my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i dont even know how to be here
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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