I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
