Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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