Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
