did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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