The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
