thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
