Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
