Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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