Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
