3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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