what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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