Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
