Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
