Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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