She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
