i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
