i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
