If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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