this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
