dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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