Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
