I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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