Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
