Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
