I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
