alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
