I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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