I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
