I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
