I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
