An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
