dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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