So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
