From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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