I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
