Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
