Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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