we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
