Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
